When I came into the rooms of AA, I knew playing a victim was not an award winning role. I came as a new Christian, full of relief that Christ promised forgiveness for all my sins – the stuff I remembered doing; the stuff I was hazy about, and the stuff I couldn’t remember. That hope sustains me still as I look back over things that are hard to remember like the fragmented memories of my self-centeredness.
Self-centeredness wears many hats.
Victim is one of the ugliest.
It’s hard to think back over the times that I put me, myself and I over anybody else in the room. When I asked for sympathy, I never wanted to hear a suggestion of personal responsibility. Also, I resisted common-sense counsel. That’s pride. (Proverbs 13:10)
I’m the victim here! I didn’t say, but felt it. So, I invented new ways to play the victim, until even I got sick of my silliness, and was willing to go to an Al-Anon meeting.
Al-Anon was the first place I received sympathy – but no pity. Time after time, folks listened, and gently but firmly redirected my energies, choices, and helped me see a power greater than I might love the alcoholic in my life better and more than I did.
The God of their understanding had some power too; power to change them even if the alcoholic they loved resisted change.
I borrowed their God until I came to believe God can and will do for me what I cannot. Doing my inventory I realized what a pastor said was oh so true:
You are worse than you think you are, but also far more loved than you feel you are. ~Tim Keller
Get Over Thyself!
As I came to believe this about how God sees me, I came to understand this was His heart for the alcoholic I loved. So busy trying to get the speck out of my alcoholic’s eye, I would not see the log in my own eye.
In time, I came to see that whatever wrongs were done me, I had wronged God, and I had failed to show others the same sympathy and support I demanded they show me. Talk about an ugly reflection in my life’s mirror – one that STILL can materialize – UGH!
This morning, though, I choose to quit looking at me, and look at God. I believe His arms are still outstretched, sheltering, and sufficient for the troubles this day holds.
The will of god will never take you where the grace of god will not protect you. ~ AA Slogan
I also know that getting myself to a meeting, I will hear how others also believe how silly and dangerous it is to play a victim, for any reason.
“If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you have to believe in a God who controls the little things.” Elisabeth Elliot
God bless you dear reader in all your choices today — Thanks for reading!
Love in Christ,
Sober and Grateful