“A tranquil mind is a prerequisite for good judgement . . .” introduces the 12 and 12’s chapter on the Ninth Step.
Taking the ninth step requires good judgment — something I haven’t always used, even in recovery.
The first time around I took the Ninth Step, my mind was not tranquil. So, I did not use good judgement I just wanted to get it over.
Worse, hindsight suggests I wanted to prove how far I was coming along spiritually.
Sigh.
That first time around, I can see now, I did not even try to imagine how my choices affected them.
Maybe if I had had a long talk with my sponsor . . .
before I dropped the bomb on my mother: I am sorry I wasn’t the daughter you wanted me to be . . .
That conversation did not go well —
The good news is that God wasn’t finished with either of us.
I learned where to place which pronoun.
God was/ is patient and persistently showing me to quit focusing on myself and see how another person might be feeling.
Because I can never know — really — how another person feels, let me quiet my own self, believing a power greater than I will restore me to a healthy state of mind.
Just maybe, they have issues that have nothing to do with my silly self — Or maybe I really did a job on them that hurt far worse than I could imagine.
So I need good judgment making amends to those I can, and to those I can not.
Because they deserved better from me, let me live as the changed person I need to be — it’s just for today.
Daily, I need that tranquil mind that knows God did not die and leave me in charge.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. (Isaiah 26:3)
We don’t mind being told to believe; we hate being told to follow. So some still ask: can I be a Christian and not follow Christ? Paige Brown
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