An Antidote
The Third Step AA recommends we take is a powerful, life-saving antidote to the poison self-centeredness that injects into our thoughts. The link I include, Man Bitten By Severed Rattlesnake Head, helped me understand how potent my old self is.
It also convicted me that screwing up doesn’t just happen; nine times out of ten, it is a deliberate choice.
Case in point:
I was framing a gift for my sponsor – a simple reminder of their favorite word, gratitude. Well, it wasn’t going well; a profane word came to mind, and then another, and another as I struggled with what should have been an easy task. Thinking the words then exploded into saying them aloud even as I felt God’s counsel,
Easy does it;
Let go and let God;
Ask for help . . .
But, no:
Soon, I felt the weight of dark blue air; as I let anger get the better of me. It was almost palpable. Even though no human heard me, I believe God did. So, my sponsor not only got an anniversary gift, but an earful of some stuff I had stuffed.
And that’s the beauty of the fellowship. We can talk about the blue words and dark feelings before we make a dumb decision.
The Operative word is can.
Meaning, it’s not a command; it’s a suggestion that we are willing to be honest about the garbage in us.
That garbage, although I believe has been forgiven, and that God has separated it from me as far as east is from west (Psalm 103:12), it is as powerful and putrid as snake’s venom.
Anger gives me permission to get on steps headed nowhere good. So does hunger (eating the wrong things; skipping quiet time).
Fatigue – getting too tired to take care of myself – opens a door to nowhere worth going. Loneliness . . . well, though it is often a reality I can’t change, I can change my attitude in its midst. I can pick up the phone and get myself to a meeting – or I can talk to God who is always on call.
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