Don’t believe everything you think, an unidentified wise soul urged. But, now that I can think, understanding what I believe makes me grateful.
When I was drinking, I wasn’t thinking.
I was responding to cravings I could not control and I entertained crazy thoughts and screwier emotions.
Only alcohol promised to take the edge off the pain, or so I thought
For a while, alcohol smoothed out so many rough edges, I never doubted its friendship. Until, that is, it pushed me to the edge of sanity.
One night when drinking and drugs had mellowed me beyond sane thinking, dark thoughts tried to take hold me, whispering: just let go and go crazy. You’ll be in a safe place then.
I credit my higher power, whom I did not accept then, with keeping me from stepping into the chaos. I shelved the notion that going insane would solve any of my problems.
Maybe years later, when my sponsor told me I had three choices — insanity, death, or recovery – I never doubted where continuing to drink could lead.
The definition of insanity: dong the same think over and over, expecting a different outcome.
So, I believe now what I think about all the reasons that still suggest a drink can solve my problems: the reasons aren’t worth the risk of going back to the edge of sanity. Because today I can think a drink through, I will remember, I now have a choice. I think picking up one drink will not be enough. And I believe it.
I didn’t get so smart and do all this thinking on my own.
I believe now what I think about a higher power – a power greater than I – whom I now know by Name.
God did not die and leave me in charge.
God is doing for me what I can’t do on my own. He put people smack dab in the middle of my life who suggested some changes that worked for them, and might work for me. He gave me some principles I could take one step at a time.
Because of learning to think, I believe gratitude is the foundation and fruit of a healthy mind. Counting the ways God and the program have blessed me helps me get over myself, and live through little upset and major adversities one day at a time.
I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 ~From the book Daily Reflection
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