It’s not old behavior if I’m still doing it, an AA watchword states.
Wha-a-a-a-a-a-t? I was just remembering how . . . Oh, wait; taking trips down memory lane is like sailing steerage on the Titanic; the chances of safe passage aren’t in my favor.
An old behavior that rings the bell of my heart is resentment – at first, I may not recognize resentment – it’s masquerading as righteous indignation because another person has done wrong, and these actions or words hurt me. It why I often drank, and if I indulge the old behavior, rehearsing reasons for resentments, what have I changed?
“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head”(Ann Landers)
How can I get a different outcome?
HOW, another AA acrostic, describes three changed attitudes: honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness.
In Al-Anon I took a look at resentment’s crippling power; the twelve steps showed me how to live and let go of the wrongs, real and imagined. My AlAnon sponsor also believed that God was real and told me I could rely on His help in the tough situations alcohol whipped up. I eventually believed her, and Him.
Through Christ, I learned how to address the grievances.
In AA I’ve learned if I want to move beyond resentments, remember, nursing wounds, real or imagined, is not an option. “The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes.” (The Promise of a New Day, January 5)