At AA meetings, or in the literature, or on-line, so much common sense, Basic Living Skills #101, and other practical tools for getting through the day abound. I can’t begin to list the A-HA! moments I have had when one simple sentence, or question, or aside illuminated dark alleys in my heart and brain, in which I kept getting lost.
Like, for example, this one: My drug of choice is control.
No wonder my life spun so out of control then, and can wobble out of control now!
Common sense should have told me I could not control alcohol – given my wonderful family from both sides—father’s and mother’s! But it is mind-blowing what a person can ignore when they set their heart on having the next drink – even as a kid!
I could not wait to drink even with all the evidence right before me that many folks to whom I was related made life rough for themselves and their families.
Nope – I would be different — I’d show them how to drink responsibly. Which I never did. I also thought I could help other people in my family control their drinking. That was as about as successful as me pretending I was a social drinker.
I grew up seeing people drink alcohol – it wasn’t forbidden. It was a sophisticated perk – a right of passage for most of us and a stumbling block for a few, whose examples I ignored, certain theirs would not be my story.
Turned out it was; same tune, a few variation on the lyrics.
Maybe that’s what you pick up reading this blog –same old tune: letting go of stuff, and people; holding tight to God.
The lyrics change, depending on the daily little obsessions that can derail me – not so much booze, although from time to time a crazy thought wafts by. (Can I Safely Drink Again?)
Fretting about people and situations are more like a constant drip of vinegar that burns into my heart!
I watched the series on country music Ken Burns produced. Booze played a supporting role in many, many stories.
I laughed when I heard a description of county music as three chords and the truth. Booze will show a body some hard truths, while lying all the way about what we are seeing.
When I was drinking the chords and the truth were variations of “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.”
The most recent better chords are the daily truth that overcomes all the sad lyrics I am prone to practice! In recovery the chords are “Get to a meeting, pray, and don’t drink”; the truth is “I can’t, God can, let me let Him.”
Love in Christ,
Sober and Grateful