I don’t have drinking dreams as often as I once did. But when I do, they remind me of slippery places I can avoid.
Last night I had one. In my dream, I had a big gulp of chilled white wine – not exactly a connoisseur’s approach. No, down it went and as I put the glass down, immediately – in my dream – I started figuring out how I could lie about what I had done.
That’s one of the distinguishing features of my story – lying about how much alcohol I consumed; that and comparing myself to others, assuring myself I just wasn’t that bad.
Every lie is two lies — the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it. ~ Robert Brault
Lying to myself was the easiest, stupidest thing I did. I see that now; but I saw it earlier in my drinking than I was willing to admit.
Lies can lock up a soul, imprison a mind, and destroy a body.
I am glad for the person who first told me, You don’t have to keep living like this. And they showed me a way out – and suggested a key, which I gladly pass along:
Accepting my powerlessness over booze is humbling – but it isn’t disabling! I can still grow up, suit up and show up.
Doing the same thing over and over, hoping this time to drink like an adult, is disabling.
When we get hooked on chaos and upheaval, we are reaching for meaning and significance in circumstances instead of God. (Sober Boots, Heather Kopp, page 38)
That dream jolted me awake. Things happen for a reason – maybe I needed a little refresher that does not come in wine bottles.
Getting back to basics is better than sliding into slippery places. Take a good look in any mirror for the problem. It may just be staring back.
- How is my conscious contact with God?
- When was my last meeting – or
- The last time I extended a hand of help and friendship, as was so freely offered me?
- Am I harboring grievances, resentments, hurt feelings . . . pride that whispers a lie it’s okay to pick up?
It’s been an uncomfortable, but worthwhile wake-up call.
Thanks for reading – hope we both sleep well. My best to you dear reader!
Love in Christ,
Sober and Grateful
Pride is to character like the attic to the house — the highest part, and generally, the most empty.— John Gay (A New Day — 365 Meditations for Personal and Spiritual Growth.)
PPS: You might like to reread Chapter 16, Acceptance Was the Answer, The AA Big Book, page 407)