Living each day without relying on alcohol to either numb or cheer me up has meant rethinking lots of goals and objectives. I never thought about goals or objectives because all I wanted to do was enjoy alcohol. I wanted to drink to feel good about myself, or to forget the dumb, dangerous things I did. Halfway through the first drink, the feeling I thought I got, vanished, and I kept drinking to see if I could get it back. For whatever reason I picked up a drink, I couldn’t put it down until I was drunk, or I became resentful and mean if I had to stop drinking.
The more I drank the easier it was to let go of God. Nothing like thunder and lightening ever happened with each step I took away from the promises I made myself I would never do – things I thought would horrify church-going folk and God. So, how bad could it be, some of the things I was doing, I asked myself.
Except I was harming me – slowly killing me, so that I wasn’t much of a worthwhile person. I kept telling myself I wasn’t breaking any of the commandments or the law.
That was a lie; it suited me, though, to believe it. The truth, that alcohol was poisoning my heart and body, I refused to believe. I was too young to be an alcoholic . . . well maybe you know some of the excuses?
I recently read Two Underused Strategies for Addiction and it prompted this little blog piece. The article by Dr Ed Welch is more directed for folks who love addicts and want to help them. However, letting go of lies, and living free from shame are solid stones in building a working and workable recovery.
The thing about living after alcohol is twofold:
- learning to say “no” to the lies that addiction makes sound so reasonable, and
- putting all the shame and screwy emotions in a place where they can’t become the excuse to pick up.
Christ is the truth, and the only safe place I can hide away, and embrace healing and cleansing — I am that leper that Matthew described, the one whose prayer Christ was willing to answer – the person He was willing to touch.
What are some of the reasonable sounding lies you have been listening to – Are you at the point of being willing to hand them all over to God, yet? Take all the time you need, but hurry up!
Love in Christ,
Sober & Grateful
PS: If you are uncertain about if there is a God, may I commend We Agnostics — Chapter 4 in the AA Big Book.