Out of Commission
Where I have been for the past few weeks is coming through whatever seasonal bug it was that bit. It may have the one that mimics the flu, or it may have been the real deal. Who knows? I don’t want to revisit!
Whatever it was, it robbed me of strength; it disconnected my brain cells, and engulfed me in a kind of fog. I could only cope with the next thing at hand – and that barely, for weeks.
Silly bug!
I almost broke RULE# 62:
RULE 62—-don’t take yourself so darn seriously!!!!!!!
Over the past several weeks, this illness has shown me a side of helplessness I do not enjoy. But helplessness’s not powerlessness, right?
In some ways the feelings I’ve had are like the ones I had when I made excuses for drinking, even knowing things were not gonna end well. In other ways, the feelings of helplessness have been magnifications of fear of dependency. Feeling so puny, I saw an aspect of letting go into the hands of God that was, well, sobering. I didn’t realize how bad I felt until I started feeling better!
This recent “bug” showed me again how much I need wisdom and courage that only God can deliver in ways I did not anticipate. It showed me again that pride – the conviction I can take of myself — is a shaky, insufficient crutch.
In some ways, this bout was a necessary reminder that daily putting recovery blocks in place can build a shelter for hard times that just come with life.*
And especially with the flu – the real one, not the alcoholic one I used to get.
Recovery is about not using, true – but recovery is for living because the God of my understanding knows what’s around all the corners of my life.
Some of them I hope never to revisit.
Thanks for reading — Hope you are well dear reader.
Love in Christ,
Sober and Grateful
*The AA Big Book, Chapter 6, Into Action, pages 82-84
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Good, helpful words for us all.