On My Anniversary

On the morning of my 43rd anniversary, friends called with questions about the heartaches their loved ones were generating because of drinking. Were they alcoholics?  How do they help?  When do they back off?

Been There— 

my anniversary

Forty-three years ago I finally got the answer to my oft repeated [to myself] question: Am I an alcoholic? What do I do . . .

My Anniversary

On Mother’s Day 1981 I got the answer—“Yes— get help.”  

 Today on my anniversary, I read a pastor’s paraphrase.  It explains how recovery is challenging for the alcoholic and those who love them.

We may know the kind of person we ought to be, but have difficulty admitting what kind of person we really are. ……adapted from Paul Kooistra

 An alcoholic mother wasn’t what I had aimed on becoming — but it is what I was — a woman whose mental and emotional life had become unmanageable because of alcohol. 

It took me ten of my twenty years drinking to admit I had a problem . . . and ten more years trying to figure out how to drink like a lady. 

I never did.

For the first ten years— I rarely worried about my drinking; for the last ten years I kept trying to drink . . . responsibly — except for frequent occasions when I lost control and wound up hung-over, regretful, and ashamed.

Maybe the next time would be different, I thought.

 Not every day’s encounter with alcohol was a collision— but enough days  were, and that kind of made my choice to keep drinking  . . . insane! 

Doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome, is NOT how healthy people spend much time. 

An Anniversary Refresher 

change
Truth learned the hard way.

It all comes down to a noun and a verb: Change 

If nothing ever changes — nothing ever changes. 

The first change I made 43 years ago was to ask for help —instead of rolling over and pretending I didn’t just get an answer to my question— am I an alcoholic?

The second change was not picking up the next drink. Wouldn’t you know, the very day I decided to change my assessment of myself was splendid Mother’s Day party, replete with all my favorite adult beverages.

With no program or sponsor, it was uncomfortable change.

So, the third change was going to my first AA meeting.

Then, I began to follow directions — that was a huge change. Don’t drink, pray and get to a meeting — 90 in 90. 

anniversary
Clare Cooley, Sober Mommy

I came to believe:

 If your life is unmanageable to any degree—due to the use of alcohol, you are among  friends. 

The change has been slow—I have been a slow learner and quick forgetter. 

Maybe it’s taken me longer because sometimes I didn’t ask for the serenity, wisdom and courage to change what I could —knowing it was me.

Which brings me to a quote that so helps when the default of  lying —obfuscating —prevaricating —fudging seems oh so much easier — especially for those living with alcoholics:      

Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. ~― ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Thanks for reading— hope you enjoyed a recap on my anniversary —

anniversary
Whoever gets up earliest — lives sober for the day has the longest sobriety, ODAAT

 

Wish I could share the cake my home group made me . . . I’ve got the recipe!

my anniversary

How goes it with you?

I am grateful for your time.

Love in Christ,

Sober and Grateful 

 

P.S. You also might like these links:

The Chapter in the Big Book, “Acceptance was the Answer,” Chapter 16. (page 407) 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
On My Anniversary
Share
Tagged on:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *