Celebrating then Taking Step One
Right after celebrating an anniversary, reviewing Step One makes sense. So, opening my 12 & 12, I also see it is an annotated copy, filled with good stuff that I heard at the meetings – other people’s experience, strength and hope.
Right off, is a question that keeps me right-sized, and opens the door to recovery.
Who wants to admit defeat? (page 21)
Whew. I do.
Admitting a daily defeat earns me a daily reprieve. Not a bad exchange.
I remember that night when I realized the friend I thought alcohol was, loomed up like an enemy who was going to show me no mercy. I had seen what alcohol did to people I loved. Alcohol flipped them right on their rear ends. And they kept going back
So did I.
I thought I was different.
I fancied myself as one friend described themselves: Yeah. I was somewhere between a high-bottom drunk and the gutter. I did not hit the bottom others warned me was coming. But, the bottom I hit was a hard enough collision.
Until that night, when I caught a glimpse of alcohol as a huge, sweaty sumo wrestler who meant to knock me out, I wasn’t seeing myself as that bad. (See page 23 of the 12&12.)
. . . years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, it was indeed a fatal progression.
Thank you God when I wondered if I were an alcoholic, nobody ever suggested I try some “controlled” drinking.
My obsession to prove I could drink like everybody else was about to flip me out of the ring, like a sumo wrestler does to his opponent.
What social drinker have you ever met who is determined to prove they can handle alcohol? A true truth: we’re all here because we’re not all there.
I don’t know where you are, dear reader, in your journey: Wondering, worried or still wrestling with booze. Mine is far from the only recovery story.
Let me quote what a wise old Indian chief said during a meeting. It may help you decide about taking Step One. Whether or not I am an alcoholic, I do know my drug of choice is control.
Like I heard in the rooms: After you take the first drink, you know what follows. Yep, I had written several chapters in that story. I can’t change those chapters, but together we can change the ending.
Love in Christ
Sober and Grateful