What Am I Waiting For?

If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting the rest of our lives, the adage warns.  Being willing to change is better than waiting until I’m ready to change. (Step 3, page 35)

Willingness means I’m letting go of several excuses why I am not yet ready to change – like today is not a good day to (fill in the blanks).

Seriously, I was not ready to stop drinking.

I had no idea what stopping meant, anyway; just a vague notion that my life would be no more fun without booze.

I had a lot of fun drinking – raising hell – as I often described what a fun time was. Often at other peoples’ expense.

All that fun usually meant mornings after were not fun — like workdays when I brought the body, but honestly no mind followed. I haven’t been sober so long I can’t remember the substandard work I produced, or the discomfort I caused others when I drank, or was hungover.

Talk about amends that have had to become living ones!

No I was never ready – geared up, organized or equipped, that is – to part company with my reliable friend and companion. However, when life hurt bad enough, when my choices were scaring even me, I became willing to become willing to maybe be ready.

Willingness gave me the courage to make a call.

It propelled me though the doors of a room full of strangers and say words I never wanted to say:  I am an alcoholic.  It gave me the ears to hear the invitation, Keep coming back.

Willingness has been the key to change my attitude that it’s not me that’s the problem; no, it’s anybody else’s but my fault.

Ok, sometimes it’s still hard being willing to be willing to be willing here.

Without willingness, I’d never be ready to own up to stuff  that facilitated my drinking.  It’s funny, willingness  helps me own my problems – my part, that is.

Willingness means I can empty my closets of skeletons and other weird things. The past doesn’t have the power it once had to bushwhack me as I become willing to let things go, and people, too. (Into the care of God as I understand Him.)

Oh, I can still be a jerk about things, but as I am willing to accept good orderly directions, I can change that, too, with God’s help. It’s progress not perfection.

Also being willing to

  • stay on my side of the street,
  • take my own moral inventory, and
  • ask God for guidance for His will for me has all made me a bit more ready to be useful, if somebody asks for help.

Dear reader –

Knowing what’s got to change, and changing it begins with willingness.

Anyway, the change is just for today.

What are we waiting for?


Thanks for reading.

Love in Christ,

Sober and Grateful

P.S. Maybe this earlier post will help.

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What Am I Waiting For?
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