I don’t know how Wi-Fi works, but when it doesn’t, I freak.
Well, not really.
But,when the Wi-Fi won’t connect me to where I want to go . . . on the Internet . . . the already tight space Covid-19 has put me presses in.
I need to reboot devices – I need to ask for help, even though I dread calling providers.
Thank God for books and the Grapevine: good help when connections seem to disappear.
This month’s, October 2020, I keep handy – reading what others write is the closest I come to being in a meeting. (How is TODAY and Opportunity in a Pandemic?)
In some ways, I am on pink cloud, albeit I am old enough in the program to know better about the trustworthiness of theses oases. But, there it is.
An old-timer at my home group used to say in a raspy voice, “If you are on a pink cloud, you are going to need a pink parachute.” Eventually I came to realize his way of saying life is going to happen and the STEPS are that parachute. (page 49)
Who knew I needed a parachute while living in the confined space I am during Covid?
Whew – on any given day – and given HOUR — life in quarantine can present new challenges, on top of the old ones.
Isolation with too much time on my hands, plus new situations, challenges, etc, that come with a pandemic during an election year bust through the pink cloud.
Then I find, sometimes, like the Wi-Fi, my parachute of Steps, doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to work.
Some days I feel like I am free fall, headed for an emotional bender that might not end well. (Dry Drunk)
Right now, the fear of the unknown and personal conflicts are like knives capable of messing with all the cords in my parachute. Maybe you can identify; or, are struggling with resentment, shame, or bitterness?
These are all destructive weapons.
I have had ASK for help more than once during the pandemic; calling on my sponsor and program friends routinely. I really don’t want to do something dumb and sabotage what could be live-saving. But hey — then I remember who I am!
So, it was with a deep sigh of gratitude I read what another AA wrote about the power of emotions in this month’s Grapevine:
This is AA, dear. We save lives here. You are lucky you got on the train of sobriety when it came to your station. If you go out over a resentment [ or, fear, conflict, shame, or whatever] that train might not come again for a long time. And even if it does, it might not stop at your station. (page 4)
Resentments . . . fears, conflicts . . . problems of daily living . . . can be reasons to get off the sobriety train. They can mess with my best intentions to stay connected – like some thing messes with the Wi-Fi.
Asking for help, staying connected, or staying on the sobriety train, gets easier, the more often I do it . . . If I can’t get through to a program friend, my Higher Power always picks up – even when I don’t feel like I need to call.
How’s going for you? We each need to check our own parachutes . . . Got any wisdom to share?
Love in Christ,
Sober and Grateful
PS. Psalm 34 and Psalm 50 help.
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